Greetings Starfighter

Poring over my DVD collection the other day, my eyes fell on an old childhood favorite, The Last Starfighter. I couldn't resist, so I popped in for what was probably my tenth overall lifetime viewing, but the first viewing in many years. As I waited for the old Universal DVD trailer to finish immediately the in-movie video game mantra sprang into my head:

"Greetings Starfighter, You have been recruited by the Star League to defend The Frontier, against Xur and the Kodan Armada"

Those words are emblazoned in my brain just like the Pledge of Allegiance. I couldn't wait to revisit the Starlite, Starbrite trailer park, or travel with Centauri to Rylos where he could put me in my very own Gunstar spaceship.



Oh wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. This forgotten piece of science fiction gold, was released in 1984. It was directed by Nick Castle, and starred Lance Guest and the late Robert Preston (in his final film role). This film's claim to sci-fi fame is that it was one of the first films (if not the first) to heavily feature CGI (computer-generated imagery) for its special effects. Star Wars used some in a practical sense, but to the scale of Starfighter or Tron. But I didn't see Tron until college, and besides I was deeply invested in the Starfighter universe.

It is common for any young child to place himself firmly into an engaging movie's canon. But this movie trumped them all for me. I mean come on the male lead's name is Alex Rogan. Yeah thats right, the main reason I loved this movie at all is because I shared the same first name with the main character. That sounds very flimsy, but I couldn't have been older than five when we saw the movie. And besides I have an older brother named Luke, who had THE effing Jedi Knight to share a first name with. Now I've never asked him if he ever grew tired of people joking that they "are his father" or reminding him to "use the force," but if he identified with that Tatooine-farmer-turned-intergalactic-hero even one iota as much as I hero-worshipped Alex Rogan, then I might be his best man, dressed as Boba Fett, at this Star Wars-themed wedding at the Skywalker ranch.



There are three things about this movie that I will always geek out about: the idea of the "Beta" unit, Centauri the alien's removable face, and a car that turns into a spaceship.

When Alex meets Centauri, he shakes hands with Beta in the back-seat, who then becomes a carbon copy of Alex to take his place as he's off the pilot his Gunstar. What sets this film light years ahead of other sci-fi films is the struggles of this robot to assimilate into a tumbleweed trailer park. When I was younger, the scene when he takes off his own head to adjust his ear blew my mind... Funny that watching it now I recognize that there's simply a hole in the desk, for Guest to stick his head out of.

The comic relief provided by Beta is terrific. The biggest thing he can't figure out is how to interact with Alex's girlfriend Maggie (played by Catherine Mary Stewart, before her turn in Weekend at Bernie's). All the couples go up to Silver Lake to fool around, and he's as clueless as a virgin on prom night. So uses his super-hearing to copycat what the lothario Blake says to his girl. Hilarity ensues. Robots are always funny; Just look at Threepio and R-2.

PG movie.... Alien that removes his human-face to clean it enroute to Space city... red glowing eyes... priceless. Nuff said.

And of course there's Centauri's space car. A full year before Doc Brown makes the Delorean hip again in Back to the Future, Robert Preston shows up with a car with wing doors himself. And get this... its actually a spaceship. When the brake lights peeled back to reveal the rockets beneath, I was hooked. Then again I was five or so, so it didn't take much.

As the movie wraps up, I've found that it doesn't hold up well. Thats not to say that I don't still enjoy it, but that now having studied film off-and-on, I see all of the terrible holes in the movie. The way it still works is in reminding me how simple my taste in movies used to be. I was hooked in to this almost solely by the main character's name. And now I'm a diehard sci-fi fan. Imagine how I would have turned out if I had seen A Clockwork Orange instead?

Apatow is bringing (un)sexyback

I have seen full frontal male nudity in a shocking number of films recently, and the man whose name seems to always be lurking behind the scenes is the comedy it-man Judd Apatow.

His latest headline-grabbing penis flash occurs at two pivotal moments in the new disaster comedy Forgetting Sarah Marshall. The lead actor (Jason Segel, who also wrote the film) bares all his manly bits when the girlfriend (the titular character played by Kristen "don't call me Veronica" Bell) breaks up with him, and he drops his bath towel in horror.



This was only the first of many cringe-worthy moments throughout the movie. Normally these moments aren't so bad. I revel this type of brash humor, but in this case I was seated only one row up from a row filled almost entirely with silver-haired grandma-types. Are they supposed to be laughing at the same sex jokes aimed at my demographic? And did they just get that joke that Jonah Hill made about "going from 6 to midnight"? I suppose my awkward-o-meter would only have been ratcheted up higher, by having obviously underage girls occupying the row in front of me. Nonetheless I was compelled to keep a few sarcastic remarks to myself in deference to the Golden Girls. And of course the film was laugh-out-loud funny.

But I digress....back to the money shot(s)...

The intial nudity scene works on several different comedic levels. Just prior to Sarah dropping her bomb, Peter (Segel), tries to entice her by opening his towel and shaking his hips in manner which slaps his manhood against each thigh. This of course is inferred as this action occurs below the framed shot, treating the viewer to the rhythmic "thwack-thwack-thwack." The noise elicits uncomfortable chuckles, and puts the viewer on edge. Then of course, Sarah lays it out, and in the next shot Segel is shown letting it all hang out (gasp!) the one-two comedic punch is doubly effective. The bookend to the male nudity comes at the end of the film, when a new romantic interest walks in Peter backstage changing, instantly diffusing was to be an immensely intense conversation. What a character arc.

This is remarkable on many levels. First that Segel wrote this scene essentially for himself. In interviews Segel maintains that this "naked break-up" actually happened to him, and he actually wanted the girl to hurry things up so he could get to writing the incident down, because it was so funny. Segel is also not the world's most in shape man, and I'd wager that his slightly doughy physique ramps up the comedy further.

And second because this is not the first bit of male nudity in a film in which Apatow is involved. And the progression suggests that it will become not only a regular element in his films, but a constantly evolving element.

I was first introduced to Apatow's universe with his second ill-fated teenage TV comedy "Undeclared." It was here I met two of his regulars who at that time hadn't become the names they are now: Seth Rogen and Segel. It debuted in 2001, and was a comedy about college life. I was in college so presto! I kinda dug it.

For some reason I missed his cult-hit first show "Freaks and Geeks" until last year when I finally was able to Netflix it and instantly fall in love. An IMDB search would reveal that I enjoyed some early Apatow even before "Undeclared" finding out that he was a co-writer on the Disney channel staple Heavyweights. Apatow finally attached himself to a bankable comedy talent in 2004. He jumped on the Will Ferrell juggernaut when Ferrell was hot off of breakout successes in Elf and Old School. He produced Ferrell's Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, and then began his world takeover with feature directorial debut The 40-Year-Old Virgin, launching his career and Steve Carell's simultaneously.

Apparently about this time he went to Segel who had hardly worked since "Freaks and Geeks" and said," Hey I can make movies now, do you have anything?" (or in the words of Ron Burgundy, "I'm kind of a big deal"), and so Segel got his first script and male lead in one fell swoop. Between now and then, he gave his buddy Rogen his first male lead in Knocked Up, produced Rogen's first three screenplays Superbad, Drillbit Taylor, and this summer's Pineapple Express. He also produced Ferell's biggest hit, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.

Apatow's brand of humor has firmly brought back the concept of the R-rated comedy to American movies. Its remarkable to me how he's gathered such a wide audience with his brand of sexually-frank humor, and teenage mentality. I've loved Kevin Smith's films for so long, but recognize how his core audience is markedly smaller than Apatow's. Apatow has slowly pushed his dick jokes to the point where he now actively utilizes frontal male nudity shots.

The first instance was in his 2007 produced comedy Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, the first starring vehicle for the underrated John C. Reilly. Early in that film Cox (Reilly) has a serious conversation with his wife on the phone in the aftermath of an orgy, and at two points during this conversation one of his roadies approaches him to ask him fairly mundane questions. The only thing is the roadie is naked with his junk at eye-level, yet Cox is completely unfazed by this, which punctuates the hilarity.

Now Apatow is far from perfect. I still refuse to see Drillbit Taylor and he apparently co-wrote the latest Adam Sandler monstrosity Don't Mess With the Zohan that comes out this summer. But the R-rated comedy is surely back. Case and point will be this Friday's stoner sequel Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (Apparently the boys will be attending a "bottomless" party, and there will be some reference to an old guy's nether region "looking like Osama Bin Laden's beard").

Apparently Apatow has spoken; to have a successful comedy, one of your boys is going to have to drop trou.

And Now For The Starter's Gun...

I've been thinking about starting a blog of my own for some time now. I suppose now I will have to curtail my weekly quotient of blog-surfing. But maybe that's a good thing.

Don't suspect I'll settle on a specific theme for quite some time. I can certainly guarantee plenty of discussion about movies. Will probably mention baseball from time to time. And there will possibly be some talk of poker as well. Other various topics as well as they arise

For now....I'm going to cheat and repost my latest Myspace blog.

Originally posted yesterday morning

title: something's missing

I was loving life; on cruise control for the last few months, and now the train's derailed. Something's missing...I think I need a new hobby

(edit. this blog ended up being ALOT longer than I thought...I apologize in advance)

I'd like to kid myself and say that what I really need is a hobby because what I'm really scared to admit is that I really need is a change of venue.

Growing up on the Outer Banks, I've become attuned to the laid back lifestyle. But I think I've misapplied it to my own life. Instead of simply being laid back, what I've become is just flat-out lazy. I've never been surfing despite having lived here for nearly all my life. Part of that was my tendency to do my best impersonation of a radish after any prolonged sun exposure. That and I wasn't that athletic growing up. I suppose I hold some sort of misguided grudge against learning how to surf now. Might be quite like when I finally went skiing for the first time when I was 20. Being the oldest in the beginner's class was quite embarrassing.

So the reason I feel I need a new hobby now is due to my abundance of free time, and energy. I naturally have a tendency to over-analyze whatever it is I have tuned my focus to. Leaving things open-ended just sort of eats at me constantly. I've given myself this free time, but I'm not doing anything constructive.

I find myself these days needing to right a capsized ship, but unwilling do it quickly. Coming off my whirlwind stint on the Fun Ship Ecstasy. I found myself in a small financial hole. My following job in Las Vegas would have all but erased the hole, if I hadn't practiced bad game selection and lost a significant portion of my pay. So I find myself at home, needing to make money. But following my unceremonious dismissal from the breakfast shift at a shiteous 24-hour cafe in a second rate casino, I had little desire to go back to waiting tables (even though I figured it might be the easiest way to get back to black. I was determined to log some job experience to diversify my paltry resume. So now I work at the paper. My first 9-5 job.

My last blog notwithstanding, I can usually leave my thoughts on work, at work. So that gives me 6-7 hours per day, and many more on the weekend for myself. My three favorite things: poker, movies, and baseball just aren't doing the trick. I was consumed for the first three months of this year by a new diet. The diet itself and my adherence to it was very passive aggressive. It wasn't the most strict of diets, but I stuck to the parameters very closely. I lost a small amount of weight each week, and have finally plateau-ed for the last 3 weeks (a good 30 lighter than when I started).

Another solid I did myself with the diet, was cutting alcohol out altogether. Now that I've reached my target weight, I've slowly let certain concessions back in, but I've come to the realization that I've had a significantly destructive relationship with alcohol throughout the years. My problems pale in comparison to those of many others, but I fully recognize that I have at times self-medicated with a blackout. I see how often I would go out intending to drink to excess. I've discussed these revelations, and many people have told me how great it is that I can recognize these things. I think thats a crock. It doesn't take the feelings away. I've felt genuine frustration in the past couple of nights, and heard myself say inwardly, "I need a drink" for the first time in months.

So we come back to why I need a new hobby. I need something therapeutic. Something simple. Something mindless. I'm considering knitting.

Being that I'm slowly chipping away at at debt, I can't really afford to play poker. I've been entrenched in free bar-league poker since September. After the first 'season' I had told myself that I didn't want to play as often as I did in the winter. And yet I find myself there five nights out of the week. I pray regularly for something worthwhile to present itself each week night, to give me an excuse not to go. I occasionally play micro-stakes online, but that's ultimately more stress-inducing than stress relieving.

I've hit a rough patch the last few weeks with movies. I now juggle three different sources for movies: the theater, netflix, and the new bane of my existence = redbox.

The summer season for movies is almost upon us. My only foible now is waiting to see movies that I want to see. Ever since way back, I've never had a problem going to the theater by myself. The movies never made sense to me as a group activity. Particularly as a date they seem like a huge copout. You would take a girl to the movies with whom you have trouble finding things to talk about. In the past couple of months I've tried to go with different people to the movies. I guess it just sort of grates on me in a very self-involved way.

Netflix bothers me in patches. Occasionally I threre's a flick I want to watch that is the kind of movie that one needs to be in the proper frame of mind to watch. And sometimes that frame of mind just eludes you for an extended period of time. Case and point was Ang Lee's latest movie Lust, Caution. I held on to that one for nearly a month before finally struggling through it the other day. It didn't come close to my three-month "not-flixing" record (still held by the Seven Samurai; which I didn't watch). Caution Is a wartime, period piece with subtitles. And I can't watch it with anyone else because of its explicit content (if I were Kevin Smith I would refer to this as hardcore boning). Most of the time when I doze off the first time I watch a film I give it a second chance, but I just knew it might be another month before I gave it a chance again, so I wrapped it up. I've also found that since I've begun using redbox my netflix usage has slipped.

Redbox is fantastic. $1 a night, no clerk to ask if I want damage protection, online reservation. Because its so difficult to get new releases timely from Netflix, I find myself redboxing every "new movie tuesday." I've only had to keep three movies so far longer than the first night, and still is cheaper than going to the movie store (where I used to go for new releases). They actually enticed me back yesterday with a free rental, because I hadn't been in so long. The only problem with juggling these three sources of movies is that recently its made watching movies more like a chore for me. I would have never thought that was possible.

And baseball. My Braves are no longer nationally telecast (tear). They've had too many ridiculous injuries to their pitching staff already this year. Hopefully when I go to see them play the Mets in September everything is peachy keen. The most enjoyable part of my job has been covering local baseball. I few comments from some parents in the past couple of weeks, has polluted my serene baseball lake enough to bug me just a little bit. I'm driving all the way to Hatteras tomorrow night again (and if another parent makes some kind of comment about how we never cover their sports teams again; I will do one of three things: I'll laugh loudly in their face, hand them my most recent gas receipt, or slash their tires)

So I apologize to anyone I may have freaked out with my recent neuroses. I'm trying to mellow the fuck out. The things that I obsess over, pale in comparison to many things my friends are struggling/dealing with. Feel free if you are one of those people to ask me if I want some "cheese with that whine," and to shut my trap. I just need something to occupy my mind.

I've looking into picking up some random catering shifts with High Cotton. From the way I understand it, it is the simplest work, and the pay is in cash. I'm looking forward after this week to an uncomplicated tax return next year (while praying for my first refund in years). I think I've mentally blocked my recent tax check, because it was simply laughable that i didn't save nearly enough for it over the past year.

Feel free to leave a comment, or a leave similar rant if you like. We all need a good vent sometimes. I will also respond kindly to these rants in a pm if you don't feel like sharing them with my huge blog-audience (I think I had 11 views on my last one; though they could have been the same person 11 times--I don't really know how that counter works)