Last night a redonkuous bar league poker session had the chance to put me on life tilt so hard. During the color-up break my table asked me why I seemed so upset.
Heres a possible few reasons:
-A know-it-all with a Discman, who played too many hands, played fairly poorly, but caught enough luck to have his chip stack go way up and way down. (he busted me calling my all-in with KQoff btw: nevermind that it was the only hand at the table anyone raised above 3x the BB, and was the ONLY hand I played when I wasn't in the blinds...it doesn't bother me that much though I had 7.2 blinds and saw Jc10c, which was the best I had seen all night).
-A jabbery yahoo next to me, who was loud, but not ever funny. He hit a three outer on the river to triple up, and celebrated like an idiot. He got a beer spilled on his lap, and I couldn't even enjoy that, because he slowed up a game that was already moving at the rate that my hair grows.
-A rotating average of four players at the table that needed EVERY step and rule explained to them more than once. I say rotating b/c when one player would get knocked out they would be replaced by an alternate who turned out to be even more hopeless. The cherry of this group was the old guy that looked like Dennis Phillips who won the main pot on my bustout hand with Q-efffing-3 offsuit. He said a variation of the words; "I don't know how to play, I've never played here before, I just love this game" about 10 times in the space of about 8 minutes
-My only hand I played and won was a 8d6d from the big blind. Four way limped at 100-200. Flop is Qs-8c-6c-3h. Yep you read that right FOUR FUCKING CARDS. We sussed out that the 3h was the next burn card. I bet 300 into a 400 pot and got one quick call. The 10c peels off completing the flush draw, I check, villian bets 100, I call. The river is the 10s (which means I probably just got counterfeited, and can't call any bet). It goes check, check, and villain shows K-J for a missed OESD, and I take the pot. I'm more upset b/c I should have been bluffed off that pot.
-Alan nearly solidified my resolve to not help him out, by underlining his utter inability to run a tournament. You with think with 50 some odd people he would have a better plan, or pay closer attention, but no, I saw him chatting and carrying on a bunch. (To be fair, it could have been much worse I could just fry an egg on my steaming forehead, but his no-how as a tournament director is seriously limited).
OK...deep breath...rant complete.
I feel much better.
Showing posts with label poker. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poker. Show all posts
Monday, February 9, 2009
Friday, August 29, 2008
Saying no to free money/victory all for the message
It has been far too long since my last blog, The change in my employment has had a large part to do with that. Funny that I have had more free time now for quite a while, yet I have written less.
I recently watched the movie Deal, against the advice of every review I could get my hands on, and of course against my better judgement. The convergence of my two biggest interests (film and poker) must truly inhibit my common sense.
The poker boom is traced by many to the John Dahl independent film Rounders. The post Will Hunting vehicle for Matt Damon. Damon (and certainly his costar Ed Norton) and Chris Moneymaker have brought so many potential poker players to the world of gambling for a living. The movie arguably the best "poker movie" made to date. I tend to champion Steve McQueen's The Cincinnati Kid, over Rounders, almost strictly because Rounders is so evidently the more trendy choice.
Both films have major flaws that help anyone who wants to argue against the film's poker "supremacy."
The featured game in Kid is five-card stud, which is now an antiquated game, rarely played. In the final hand (spoiler alert) The Man draws an incredibly improbable Queen high straight flush (the odds of this in five card game are beyond astronomical, just being dealt a straight flush only happens 1 out of 72,193 times) to best The Kid's tens full of Aces(the odds of this match up of hands occurring are even more laughable: 332,220,508,619 to 1) This hand stinks of Hollywood, and the sheer lunacy of the probability of this match up occurring threatens to undo all of the great poker displayed in the film up to this point (The terrific hero call made in the opening hand by the Kid, and ridiculous bluff run by the Man on Pig are the highlights). After thinking about it though. I think its the only spot in which the Kid could be broken, and the point of the film can not be driven home unless he loses.
In Rounders, my major gripe occurs with the betting in the first big hand, in which Mike McDermott is felted by Malkovich's Teddy KGB. While the hand is based on a colossal misread by McDermott, he made two crucial mistakes in the hand. The first was playing with his entire bankroll. This mistake occurs more often than it should in real life, but one would think that a player with the skills of McD would no better (he even says it; "always leave yourself outs"). The second mistake is his $33,000 raise on the river. Mike holds the second nuts (nuts is pokerspeak for the second-best hand possible) with a nines full of aces full house. He assumes that KGB holds a spade flush, based on his analysis on KGB's play in the hand so far. The ridiculous occurs with Mike, assuming that KGB has a weak hand, raises his huge $15,000 bet into a $5,000 pot, a staggering $33,000 more. KGB can only justify a call with hand better than the one that McDermott holds. A player like McDermott would likely call in that spot, not raise.
But these are quibbling problems. Overall both movies offer excellent depictions of poker, and its encompassing lifestyle. The two most recent movies based in poker that I have watched; Deal and Curtis Hanson's stinker Lucky You, have one common plot point which irritate me to no end. Both movies end with the final table of a prestigious poker tournament, and the father/son and teacher/student combinations from each respective plot facing off against each other.
In both films the protagonist purposely folds a vastly superior hand to their opponent. Nice killer instinct guys. In what poker world would anyone fold a winning hand on purpose. It makes sense that the director wants to make a point. But in no way are there any poker players who would do this. Just pisses me off that poker is being sold to the masses this way.
Poker players are trying to win the money. They don't care about making statements. They win or they lose. They're all degenerates (though some more than others). Don't try and dress them up. Just accept it and move on.
I recently watched the movie Deal, against the advice of every review I could get my hands on, and of course against my better judgement. The convergence of my two biggest interests (film and poker) must truly inhibit my common sense.
The poker boom is traced by many to the John Dahl independent film Rounders. The post Will Hunting vehicle for Matt Damon. Damon (and certainly his costar Ed Norton) and Chris Moneymaker have brought so many potential poker players to the world of gambling for a living. The movie arguably the best "poker movie" made to date. I tend to champion Steve McQueen's The Cincinnati Kid, over Rounders, almost strictly because Rounders is so evidently the more trendy choice.
Both films have major flaws that help anyone who wants to argue against the film's poker "supremacy."
The featured game in Kid is five-card stud, which is now an antiquated game, rarely played. In the final hand (spoiler alert) The Man draws an incredibly improbable Queen high straight flush (the odds of this in five card game are beyond astronomical, just being dealt a straight flush only happens 1 out of 72,193 times) to best The Kid's tens full of Aces(the odds of this match up of hands occurring are even more laughable: 332,220,508,619 to 1) This hand stinks of Hollywood, and the sheer lunacy of the probability of this match up occurring threatens to undo all of the great poker displayed in the film up to this point (The terrific hero call made in the opening hand by the Kid, and ridiculous bluff run by the Man on Pig are the highlights). After thinking about it though. I think its the only spot in which the Kid could be broken, and the point of the film can not be driven home unless he loses.
In Rounders, my major gripe occurs with the betting in the first big hand, in which Mike McDermott is felted by Malkovich's Teddy KGB. While the hand is based on a colossal misread by McDermott, he made two crucial mistakes in the hand. The first was playing with his entire bankroll. This mistake occurs more often than it should in real life, but one would think that a player with the skills of McD would no better (he even says it; "always leave yourself outs"). The second mistake is his $33,000 raise on the river. Mike holds the second nuts (nuts is pokerspeak for the second-best hand possible) with a nines full of aces full house. He assumes that KGB holds a spade flush, based on his analysis on KGB's play in the hand so far. The ridiculous occurs with Mike, assuming that KGB has a weak hand, raises his huge $15,000 bet into a $5,000 pot, a staggering $33,000 more. KGB can only justify a call with hand better than the one that McDermott holds. A player like McDermott would likely call in that spot, not raise.
But these are quibbling problems. Overall both movies offer excellent depictions of poker, and its encompassing lifestyle. The two most recent movies based in poker that I have watched; Deal and Curtis Hanson's stinker Lucky You, have one common plot point which irritate me to no end. Both movies end with the final table of a prestigious poker tournament, and the father/son and teacher/student combinations from each respective plot facing off against each other.
In both films the protagonist purposely folds a vastly superior hand to their opponent. Nice killer instinct guys. In what poker world would anyone fold a winning hand on purpose. It makes sense that the director wants to make a point. But in no way are there any poker players who would do this. Just pisses me off that poker is being sold to the masses this way.
Poker players are trying to win the money. They don't care about making statements. They win or they lose. They're all degenerates (though some more than others). Don't try and dress them up. Just accept it and move on.
Monday, May 19, 2008
game called on account of capitalism
Seeing as the though I still keep abreast of the goings on in the poker community (despite eschewing it these last several months for a menial newspaper job) I feel compelled to comment on the most recent dramabomb dropped by Harrahs Entertainment and ESPN. Apparently this year at the World Series of Poker Main Event, once the final table of nine is determined (which should happen around mid-July), play will stop, and those nine will be brought back in early November to play out the remainder of the world's biggest poker tournament at an "almost-live broadcast."
I had heard whispers of this development during my intermittent poker forum surfing over the course of the last month, but I summarily dismissed the idea as too radical, even for the money-hungry exec's in charge. Even those who supported the idea from the beginning never believed in a million years that the powers that be would have the sac to make this radical change. We shouldn't really be surprised though.
The only two years I've had the opportunity to get an inside look at the vaulted World Series of Poker (as a member of the much maligned "poker media;" not only the lowest of the low, but I worked for Card Player Media; which according to many of the smaller fish as Public Enemy #1) it was run entirely at the Rio, completely under the Harrah's Entertainment banner. I don't know a WSOP w/o the huge gaudy sponsors. What did one do when their weren't nubile young women in Milwaukee's Best Light gear, roaming around trying to give you free (and worthless) poker chips? Was the all-in moment less exciting when it wasn't the Degree All-In moment.
What I'm getting at is simply, what was the outcry when this poker event became ridiculously commercialized at the hand of NASCAR guru Jeffery Pollack, WSOP commish for the last three years?
Wow....as I turn the idea over in my head more....it actually makes sense. Yikes.
---
Since the invention of the lipstick pocket cam, the poker boom has enjoyed a huge rollercoaster ride. The best possible scenario happened in 2003. An unknown internet player, outlasted the field of 839 entrants to take down the $3 million 1st prize. He busted up pro after pro, and found the good fortune to outlast a truly shark-invested final table. But really it was all about his name baby. And as Mike "The Mouth" Matusow would say every day at the WSOP '07 the pros mantra became:
"God bless Chris Moneymaker"
He turned a $40 satellite into about $1.5 million, or at least thats what ESPN wanted you to believe The endless ESPN reruns, neglect to mention how he was so confident he would get smoked that he nearly sold off his entry after he won, only to have someone buy up 50% of his action. (Raymer had backers in 2004 as well. Strange how in 2005, the winner plopped down the full $10k entry, but the bigger story seemed to be runner-up Steve Dannenman, who almost gets less time on screen than his "business partner" who gets half his winnings.)
The win for Moneymaker itself was a blessing and a curse. He scored a huge sponsorship deal from Pokerstars, but also had his marriage collapse. All involved with poker could care less. The Maine Event swelled to huge proportions over the next three years. In 2006, Jamie Gold won four times what Moneymaker did (although his money-appropriate name only has half the media shine) besting over 8,000 players. They were predicting over 10,000 for 2007, but then karma slapped the poker community with a nasty one-two combo.
Gold was taken to court when he balked at having to fork over half his winnings to a man who he promised 50% of his action in exchange for that guy finding a couple of "celebrity's (see also.. two-thirds of the dynamo that headlined the critically acclaimed Without a Paddle) to wear the logo of Gold's backing poker site. Now the string of three charismatic main-event-champion-poker ambassadors was gone (Only one of the those last three was really perfect; Moneymaker has very few results to back up his win and "Salty Joe" Hachem was great at the marketing, but is a Mr. Hyde at the tables; he's downright nasty, only coming second to Hellmuth in the whining category)
And to kick the poker community while they're down, The UIGEA made it near impossible for poker players to deposit money on poker sites, shutting down the main resource for Joe-Schmo to enter the tournament.
--
So now the execs need a new way to market their television coverage. And by golly they've found it.
So when play is halted at the WSOP this year, each of the final 9 players will be awarded ninth place money. The remaining prize money will be placed in an interest-bearing account, which will simply add to the remaining prizepool.
The final table-ists will also now have months to plan their strategy for the big dance. This will include players paying for coaching, and discussing their opponent's play ad nauseam.
This means better play. This means I might actually know something about the final tablists, which means I can give a hoot if one of them wins.
Editor's note: This maybe the last poker related tidbit I post for a while...the end of bar league poker was none too kind to me. A freeroll for a TV is a daunting task, but I thought I had a better chance of winning then most. However, I saw my solid play wasted when I risked my tournament life for the first time when we were 4-handed, only to be torn a new one by the poker gods who decided the that the a guy willing to risk 90 percent of his chips on a flush draw should be rewarded. Nevermind that I had flopped a set and was 65 percent to win when the money went in. Oh well, thats poker.
I had heard whispers of this development during my intermittent poker forum surfing over the course of the last month, but I summarily dismissed the idea as too radical, even for the money-hungry exec's in charge. Even those who supported the idea from the beginning never believed in a million years that the powers that be would have the sac to make this radical change. We shouldn't really be surprised though.
The only two years I've had the opportunity to get an inside look at the vaulted World Series of Poker (as a member of the much maligned "poker media;" not only the lowest of the low, but I worked for Card Player Media; which according to many of the smaller fish as Public Enemy #1) it was run entirely at the Rio, completely under the Harrah's Entertainment banner. I don't know a WSOP w/o the huge gaudy sponsors. What did one do when their weren't nubile young women in Milwaukee's Best Light gear, roaming around trying to give you free (and worthless) poker chips? Was the all-in moment less exciting when it wasn't the Degree All-In moment.
What I'm getting at is simply, what was the outcry when this poker event became ridiculously commercialized at the hand of NASCAR guru Jeffery Pollack, WSOP commish for the last three years?
Wow....as I turn the idea over in my head more....it actually makes sense. Yikes.
---
Since the invention of the lipstick pocket cam, the poker boom has enjoyed a huge rollercoaster ride. The best possible scenario happened in 2003. An unknown internet player, outlasted the field of 839 entrants to take down the $3 million 1st prize. He busted up pro after pro, and found the good fortune to outlast a truly shark-invested final table. But really it was all about his name baby. And as Mike "The Mouth" Matusow would say every day at the WSOP '07 the pros mantra became:
"God bless Chris Moneymaker"
He turned a $40 satellite into about $1.5 million, or at least thats what ESPN wanted you to believe The endless ESPN reruns, neglect to mention how he was so confident he would get smoked that he nearly sold off his entry after he won, only to have someone buy up 50% of his action. (Raymer had backers in 2004 as well. Strange how in 2005, the winner plopped down the full $10k entry, but the bigger story seemed to be runner-up Steve Dannenman, who almost gets less time on screen than his "business partner" who gets half his winnings.)
The win for Moneymaker itself was a blessing and a curse. He scored a huge sponsorship deal from Pokerstars, but also had his marriage collapse. All involved with poker could care less. The Maine Event swelled to huge proportions over the next three years. In 2006, Jamie Gold won four times what Moneymaker did (although his money-appropriate name only has half the media shine) besting over 8,000 players. They were predicting over 10,000 for 2007, but then karma slapped the poker community with a nasty one-two combo.
Gold was taken to court when he balked at having to fork over half his winnings to a man who he promised 50% of his action in exchange for that guy finding a couple of "celebrity's (see also.. two-thirds of the dynamo that headlined the critically acclaimed Without a Paddle) to wear the logo of Gold's backing poker site. Now the string of three charismatic main-event-champion-poker ambassadors was gone (Only one of the those last three was really perfect; Moneymaker has very few results to back up his win and "Salty Joe" Hachem was great at the marketing, but is a Mr. Hyde at the tables; he's downright nasty, only coming second to Hellmuth in the whining category)
And to kick the poker community while they're down, The UIGEA made it near impossible for poker players to deposit money on poker sites, shutting down the main resource for Joe-Schmo to enter the tournament.
--
So now the execs need a new way to market their television coverage. And by golly they've found it.
So when play is halted at the WSOP this year, each of the final 9 players will be awarded ninth place money. The remaining prize money will be placed in an interest-bearing account, which will simply add to the remaining prizepool.
The final table-ists will also now have months to plan their strategy for the big dance. This will include players paying for coaching, and discussing their opponent's play ad nauseam.
This means better play. This means I might actually know something about the final tablists, which means I can give a hoot if one of them wins.
Editor's note: This maybe the last poker related tidbit I post for a while...the end of bar league poker was none too kind to me. A freeroll for a TV is a daunting task, but I thought I had a better chance of winning then most. However, I saw my solid play wasted when I risked my tournament life for the first time when we were 4-handed, only to be torn a new one by the poker gods who decided the that the a guy willing to risk 90 percent of his chips on a flush draw should be rewarded. Nevermind that I had flopped a set and was 65 percent to win when the money went in. Oh well, thats poker.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
And Now For The Starter's Gun...
I've been thinking about starting a blog of my own for some time now. I suppose now I will have to curtail my weekly quotient of blog-surfing. But maybe that's a good thing.
Don't suspect I'll settle on a specific theme for quite some time. I can certainly guarantee plenty of discussion about movies. Will probably mention baseball from time to time. And there will possibly be some talk of poker as well. Other various topics as well as they arise
For now....I'm going to cheat and repost my latest Myspace blog.
Originally posted yesterday morning
title: something's missing
I was loving life; on cruise control for the last few months, and now the train's derailed. Something's missing...I think I need a new hobby
(edit. this blog ended up being ALOT longer than I thought...I apologize in advance)
I'd like to kid myself and say that what I really need is a hobby because what I'm really scared to admit is that I really need is a change of venue.
Growing up on the Outer Banks, I've become attuned to the laid back lifestyle. But I think I've misapplied it to my own life. Instead of simply being laid back, what I've become is just flat-out lazy. I've never been surfing despite having lived here for nearly all my life. Part of that was my tendency to do my best impersonation of a radish after any prolonged sun exposure. That and I wasn't that athletic growing up. I suppose I hold some sort of misguided grudge against learning how to surf now. Might be quite like when I finally went skiing for the first time when I was 20. Being the oldest in the beginner's class was quite embarrassing.
So the reason I feel I need a new hobby now is due to my abundance of free time, and energy. I naturally have a tendency to over-analyze whatever it is I have tuned my focus to. Leaving things open-ended just sort of eats at me constantly. I've given myself this free time, but I'm not doing anything constructive.
I find myself these days needing to right a capsized ship, but unwilling do it quickly. Coming off my whirlwind stint on the Fun Ship Ecstasy. I found myself in a small financial hole. My following job in Las Vegas would have all but erased the hole, if I hadn't practiced bad game selection and lost a significant portion of my pay. So I find myself at home, needing to make money. But following my unceremonious dismissal from the breakfast shift at a shiteous 24-hour cafe in a second rate casino, I had little desire to go back to waiting tables (even though I figured it might be the easiest way to get back to black. I was determined to log some job experience to diversify my paltry resume. So now I work at the paper. My first 9-5 job.
My last blog notwithstanding, I can usually leave my thoughts on work, at work. So that gives me 6-7 hours per day, and many more on the weekend for myself. My three favorite things: poker, movies, and baseball just aren't doing the trick. I was consumed for the first three months of this year by a new diet. The diet itself and my adherence to it was very passive aggressive. It wasn't the most strict of diets, but I stuck to the parameters very closely. I lost a small amount of weight each week, and have finally plateau-ed for the last 3 weeks (a good 30 lighter than when I started).
Another solid I did myself with the diet, was cutting alcohol out altogether. Now that I've reached my target weight, I've slowly let certain concessions back in, but I've come to the realization that I've had a significantly destructive relationship with alcohol throughout the years. My problems pale in comparison to those of many others, but I fully recognize that I have at times self-medicated with a blackout. I see how often I would go out intending to drink to excess. I've discussed these revelations, and many people have told me how great it is that I can recognize these things. I think thats a crock. It doesn't take the feelings away. I've felt genuine frustration in the past couple of nights, and heard myself say inwardly, "I need a drink" for the first time in months.
So we come back to why I need a new hobby. I need something therapeutic. Something simple. Something mindless. I'm considering knitting.
Being that I'm slowly chipping away at at debt, I can't really afford to play poker. I've been entrenched in free bar-league poker since September. After the first 'season' I had told myself that I didn't want to play as often as I did in the winter. And yet I find myself there five nights out of the week. I pray regularly for something worthwhile to present itself each week night, to give me an excuse not to go. I occasionally play micro-stakes online, but that's ultimately more stress-inducing than stress relieving.
I've hit a rough patch the last few weeks with movies. I now juggle three different sources for movies: the theater, netflix, and the new bane of my existence = redbox.
The summer season for movies is almost upon us. My only foible now is waiting to see movies that I want to see. Ever since way back, I've never had a problem going to the theater by myself. The movies never made sense to me as a group activity. Particularly as a date they seem like a huge copout. You would take a girl to the movies with whom you have trouble finding things to talk about. In the past couple of months I've tried to go with different people to the movies. I guess it just sort of grates on me in a very self-involved way.
Netflix bothers me in patches. Occasionally I threre's a flick I want to watch that is the kind of movie that one needs to be in the proper frame of mind to watch. And sometimes that frame of mind just eludes you for an extended period of time. Case and point was Ang Lee's latest movie Lust, Caution. I held on to that one for nearly a month before finally struggling through it the other day. It didn't come close to my three-month "not-flixing" record (still held by the Seven Samurai; which I didn't watch). Caution Is a wartime, period piece with subtitles. And I can't watch it with anyone else because of its explicit content (if I were Kevin Smith I would refer to this as hardcore boning). Most of the time when I doze off the first time I watch a film I give it a second chance, but I just knew it might be another month before I gave it a chance again, so I wrapped it up. I've also found that since I've begun using redbox my netflix usage has slipped.
Redbox is fantastic. $1 a night, no clerk to ask if I want damage protection, online reservation. Because its so difficult to get new releases timely from Netflix, I find myself redboxing every "new movie tuesday." I've only had to keep three movies so far longer than the first night, and still is cheaper than going to the movie store (where I used to go for new releases). They actually enticed me back yesterday with a free rental, because I hadn't been in so long. The only problem with juggling these three sources of movies is that recently its made watching movies more like a chore for me. I would have never thought that was possible.
And baseball. My Braves are no longer nationally telecast (tear). They've had too many ridiculous injuries to their pitching staff already this year. Hopefully when I go to see them play the Mets in September everything is peachy keen. The most enjoyable part of my job has been covering local baseball. I few comments from some parents in the past couple of weeks, has polluted my serene baseball lake enough to bug me just a little bit. I'm driving all the way to Hatteras tomorrow night again (and if another parent makes some kind of comment about how we never cover their sports teams again; I will do one of three things: I'll laugh loudly in their face, hand them my most recent gas receipt, or slash their tires)
So I apologize to anyone I may have freaked out with my recent neuroses. I'm trying to mellow the fuck out. The things that I obsess over, pale in comparison to many things my friends are struggling/dealing with. Feel free if you are one of those people to ask me if I want some "cheese with that whine," and to shut my trap. I just need something to occupy my mind.
I've looking into picking up some random catering shifts with High Cotton. From the way I understand it, it is the simplest work, and the pay is in cash. I'm looking forward after this week to an uncomplicated tax return next year (while praying for my first refund in years). I think I've mentally blocked my recent tax check, because it was simply laughable that i didn't save nearly enough for it over the past year.
Feel free to leave a comment, or a leave similar rant if you like. We all need a good vent sometimes. I will also respond kindly to these rants in a pm if you don't feel like sharing them with my huge blog-audience (I think I had 11 views on my last one; though they could have been the same person 11 times--I don't really know how that counter works)
Don't suspect I'll settle on a specific theme for quite some time. I can certainly guarantee plenty of discussion about movies. Will probably mention baseball from time to time. And there will possibly be some talk of poker as well. Other various topics as well as they arise
For now....I'm going to cheat and repost my latest Myspace blog.
Originally posted yesterday morning
title: something's missing
I was loving life; on cruise control for the last few months, and now the train's derailed. Something's missing...I think I need a new hobby
(edit. this blog ended up being ALOT longer than I thought...I apologize in advance)
I'd like to kid myself and say that what I really need is a hobby because what I'm really scared to admit is that I really need is a change of venue.
Growing up on the Outer Banks, I've become attuned to the laid back lifestyle. But I think I've misapplied it to my own life. Instead of simply being laid back, what I've become is just flat-out lazy. I've never been surfing despite having lived here for nearly all my life. Part of that was my tendency to do my best impersonation of a radish after any prolonged sun exposure. That and I wasn't that athletic growing up. I suppose I hold some sort of misguided grudge against learning how to surf now. Might be quite like when I finally went skiing for the first time when I was 20. Being the oldest in the beginner's class was quite embarrassing.
So the reason I feel I need a new hobby now is due to my abundance of free time, and energy. I naturally have a tendency to over-analyze whatever it is I have tuned my focus to. Leaving things open-ended just sort of eats at me constantly. I've given myself this free time, but I'm not doing anything constructive.
I find myself these days needing to right a capsized ship, but unwilling do it quickly. Coming off my whirlwind stint on the Fun Ship Ecstasy. I found myself in a small financial hole. My following job in Las Vegas would have all but erased the hole, if I hadn't practiced bad game selection and lost a significant portion of my pay. So I find myself at home, needing to make money. But following my unceremonious dismissal from the breakfast shift at a shiteous 24-hour cafe in a second rate casino, I had little desire to go back to waiting tables (even though I figured it might be the easiest way to get back to black. I was determined to log some job experience to diversify my paltry resume. So now I work at the paper. My first 9-5 job.
My last blog notwithstanding, I can usually leave my thoughts on work, at work. So that gives me 6-7 hours per day, and many more on the weekend for myself. My three favorite things: poker, movies, and baseball just aren't doing the trick. I was consumed for the first three months of this year by a new diet. The diet itself and my adherence to it was very passive aggressive. It wasn't the most strict of diets, but I stuck to the parameters very closely. I lost a small amount of weight each week, and have finally plateau-ed for the last 3 weeks (a good 30 lighter than when I started).
Another solid I did myself with the diet, was cutting alcohol out altogether. Now that I've reached my target weight, I've slowly let certain concessions back in, but I've come to the realization that I've had a significantly destructive relationship with alcohol throughout the years. My problems pale in comparison to those of many others, but I fully recognize that I have at times self-medicated with a blackout. I see how often I would go out intending to drink to excess. I've discussed these revelations, and many people have told me how great it is that I can recognize these things. I think thats a crock. It doesn't take the feelings away. I've felt genuine frustration in the past couple of nights, and heard myself say inwardly, "I need a drink" for the first time in months.
So we come back to why I need a new hobby. I need something therapeutic. Something simple. Something mindless. I'm considering knitting.
Being that I'm slowly chipping away at at debt, I can't really afford to play poker. I've been entrenched in free bar-league poker since September. After the first 'season' I had told myself that I didn't want to play as often as I did in the winter. And yet I find myself there five nights out of the week. I pray regularly for something worthwhile to present itself each week night, to give me an excuse not to go. I occasionally play micro-stakes online, but that's ultimately more stress-inducing than stress relieving.
I've hit a rough patch the last few weeks with movies. I now juggle three different sources for movies: the theater, netflix, and the new bane of my existence = redbox.
The summer season for movies is almost upon us. My only foible now is waiting to see movies that I want to see. Ever since way back, I've never had a problem going to the theater by myself. The movies never made sense to me as a group activity. Particularly as a date they seem like a huge copout. You would take a girl to the movies with whom you have trouble finding things to talk about. In the past couple of months I've tried to go with different people to the movies. I guess it just sort of grates on me in a very self-involved way.
Netflix bothers me in patches. Occasionally I threre's a flick I want to watch that is the kind of movie that one needs to be in the proper frame of mind to watch. And sometimes that frame of mind just eludes you for an extended period of time. Case and point was Ang Lee's latest movie Lust, Caution. I held on to that one for nearly a month before finally struggling through it the other day. It didn't come close to my three-month "not-flixing" record (still held by the Seven Samurai; which I didn't watch). Caution Is a wartime, period piece with subtitles. And I can't watch it with anyone else because of its explicit content (if I were Kevin Smith I would refer to this as hardcore boning). Most of the time when I doze off the first time I watch a film I give it a second chance, but I just knew it might be another month before I gave it a chance again, so I wrapped it up. I've also found that since I've begun using redbox my netflix usage has slipped.
Redbox is fantastic. $1 a night, no clerk to ask if I want damage protection, online reservation. Because its so difficult to get new releases timely from Netflix, I find myself redboxing every "new movie tuesday." I've only had to keep three movies so far longer than the first night, and still is cheaper than going to the movie store (where I used to go for new releases). They actually enticed me back yesterday with a free rental, because I hadn't been in so long. The only problem with juggling these three sources of movies is that recently its made watching movies more like a chore for me. I would have never thought that was possible.
And baseball. My Braves are no longer nationally telecast (tear). They've had too many ridiculous injuries to their pitching staff already this year. Hopefully when I go to see them play the Mets in September everything is peachy keen. The most enjoyable part of my job has been covering local baseball. I few comments from some parents in the past couple of weeks, has polluted my serene baseball lake enough to bug me just a little bit. I'm driving all the way to Hatteras tomorrow night again (and if another parent makes some kind of comment about how we never cover their sports teams again; I will do one of three things: I'll laugh loudly in their face, hand them my most recent gas receipt, or slash their tires)
So I apologize to anyone I may have freaked out with my recent neuroses. I'm trying to mellow the fuck out. The things that I obsess over, pale in comparison to many things my friends are struggling/dealing with. Feel free if you are one of those people to ask me if I want some "cheese with that whine," and to shut my trap. I just need something to occupy my mind.
I've looking into picking up some random catering shifts with High Cotton. From the way I understand it, it is the simplest work, and the pay is in cash. I'm looking forward after this week to an uncomplicated tax return next year (while praying for my first refund in years). I think I've mentally blocked my recent tax check, because it was simply laughable that i didn't save nearly enough for it over the past year.
Feel free to leave a comment, or a leave similar rant if you like. We all need a good vent sometimes. I will also respond kindly to these rants in a pm if you don't feel like sharing them with my huge blog-audience (I think I had 11 views on my last one; though they could have been the same person 11 times--I don't really know how that counter works)
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